I will die if light touches me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
