Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That accounts for only three of the penises
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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