somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
