Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will be naked everywhere
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
