How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
