Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
