it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
