you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize