I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
