I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
