I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
