i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
