it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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