So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
