I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
