I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
