Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
