he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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