the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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