I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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