In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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