Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
