Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
