we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
