I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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