Soap is not a condiment
She said her name was "party"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
