you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize