I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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