I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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