Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
