We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize