Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
