this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
