Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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