He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize