his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
