im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Still dying that you shit outside
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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