Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
