Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize