I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
