I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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