I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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