someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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