I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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