I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
