do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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