dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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