i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
