He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
