Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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