my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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