I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
