Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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