Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
