My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do vagina's smell?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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