i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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