He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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