i think i have two assholes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
