Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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