D3 body, D1 cock
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
