you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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