Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
