I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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