It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize