The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
