Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
