So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
