we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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