In the future we'll all be gay
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
