I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
