is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
