After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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