You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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