Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
