Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize