And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've blown a few things in my day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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