everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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