I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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