remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
