Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
