Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize