we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
