It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
