final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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