She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
