He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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