remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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