Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
