It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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