I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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