You really coming over, don't trick.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
not ubering you a puppy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
