Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
