is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
