So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
