everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
