She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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