the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
