You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
