I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
