Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
