She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But we have bathrooms and they dont
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize