when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
