I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
