When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
