Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
